Animal Scandals

I'm going through a time-lapse
Eating breakfast after taps.
I've got my cereal backwards
Singing pop, crackle, snap.
I rock-it all day, not tired by taps.
I'm better than you; I know how to rap.
If you write it down on paper
I will call you later
But I've got to call my bro,
I gotta call-out Lazer.
Hey Pretty Baby,
Baby let me take your temperature.
Come on over to my home; I'll show you all of my furniture.
I'm dirty and I'm flirty and I'm a dancer.
You're prettier than a red-breasted merganser.
I want to take you out and I want to tuck you in
I'd like to make you shout and do-it again.
I want to get you high,
I want to read your mind,
I want to do-it right,
And I want it tonight.
I want to rewind,
Slip and slide.
I've never done nothing that I've never done twice.
I try to find what the meaning of life is
But I'll never know because I'm indecisive.


I was walking down the streets of slab city
Sweet sweet sweat dripping down off of me
I looked to my left and then I saw a genie
And this is what he said to me, he said:
"Steve, I'll grant you three wishes
Just as long as you please do my dishes".
I said, yo dude, I'll do them for free
Because that's how we do it down here in slab city.
He said:
"Steve, don't you like to give and receive?"
I said: yeah sure but what exactly do you mean?
He said: "Please, just let me do this for you, Steve."
I said: ok let me think mmmm what do I need?
I want a 750 souped-up solar panel,
A thrifty button-down flannel,
And about fifty fans that can handle
All of my Animal Scandals.

Genie: "But this is your only chance right now;
Don't you want a house?"

Steve: No.

Genie: "don't you want a spouse?"

Steve: No.

Genie: "how about a beauty in a blouse?"

Steve: ok, I'll take a cutie with a booty.
But I need some more beats
And I need some fruity loopis.
I need consent so that no one sues me
I need some more love, please just don't shoot me.

Genie: "Ok I get it; you're sarcastic
And so far you've been fantastic.
But you're starting to get a little off-topic
And I'm going to have to ask you to stop-it."

I said: whatever, dude. I'll have my own fun.
I have 99 problems but a wish ain't one.
I won't settle
But I will rebuttal;
You look like a blue tadpole in a kettle.

He said: "what do you got against genies??"

I said: I guess I just expected you to be dreamy.

He said: "ha ha ha ha that's so funny. "

I said: I'll take that wish now and all I want is money.

Genie: "but don't you have a damsel in distress?"

Steve: actually, actually yes.

Genie: "don't you want her? I bet you want her."

And I said:
I really do and I hope that she remembers.