1. |
The Best Bad Luck
03:24
|
|||
The Best Bad Luck
I'd rather pushcarts in the hot sun
And get paid
Than watch you get drunk
And stumble all over the place.
Of course I'm ashamed.
How could I not-be?
That stuff is so lame,
Why can't you see?
I wish I never came.
It hurts you don't know who I am,
And that's a first since camp.
Baby, look into my eyes
Before I realize
That you're not the one for me
And I can't quite see
Across the country
And I'll trust you if you trust me.
I can't seem to let you go
I probably don't want to know
What you're doing right now
Especially if you're downtown.
I'll wine and dine you and make you mine,
Then I'll toss you to the end of the line,
Then I'll write about it and then I'll rhythm,
Then I'll come crawling back one last time.
You're the best bad luck that I ever had.
You're so bad.
It was way back when
When we thought the world would end,
Although we all know; it's about to explode.
I was headed for the border
No money no passport.
Black Impala
Headed for Guatemala.
Stuck-in Tucson just waiting for a ride,
Baking in the sun as the all drive-by.
Stuck in Arizona, going back to California,
Going to slab city to my little huckleberry.
I traveled from Seattle
All the way to the big apple.
Washington state, cascades,
And then the Catskills.
I'd say "I've won the battle."
Button up your flannel,
Tighten-up your saddle,
'Cause I'm headed for the Eiffel.
I'm doing my rounds again,
Living in the mountains,
High elevation
And I also like islands.
Please & thank you
And I'm sorry for my babbling.
And I feel better than I've ever been.
Because I had all of my ducks in a row from front-to-back
But I made the mistake of counting them before they hatched.
I want to sing and I want to rap.
The missing link is the monkey on my back.
I know what you want, they all want love.
I'll get you what you want if you don't get me out in bump.
Mix-up meal, what table you be chilling at?
You're the best bad luck that I've ever had
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2. |
Send To Ohio
05:20
|
|||
Send To Ohio
I was walking down the street
Just looking to holds hands.
It was 1993
At the homecoming dance.
Apparently
I needed my parent
To help me.
It wasn't apparent
To either she or me.
So I ran to my house as fast as I could.
Too dark to see,
Feet in the creek,
And through the woods.
I got home to find my mom had left for the store,
So I forged the form
In hopes to fool
The school board.
Someone had lied
They said I was inside.
I wasn't really and I swear it wasn't me.
"I'm sorry sir,
You can not enter
Without her!"
I guess I needed more
Than just that one paper.
So I waited for the dance to be over
For the lucky chance that I'd get to see her.
So I built-up the courage
And I said to her
"It now is our turn."
So we got in my car
And we drove-away,
I parked and got-out
And I started to say
"Since you did get to dance with me;
May I have this dance with you in the streets?"
When you've nowhere to go
Then send to ohio
Youngstown, I pledge.
I'm a lie and a riddle,
I'm round on the edges
and high in the middle
Of nowhere ohio
I'm going solo
Maybe because you don't know
If I'm joking
Or if I'm even done yet.
Don't get choked-up
Just 'cause you're soak and wet.
Isn't it crazy
To think back to a year ago?
When I first said "hey, I'm Steve."
And you just said "no".
I get-it; you were nervous
Because you just played
But you had me by the first verse
When you were on-stage.
Your voice
is like an instrument
But it's not your choice
Because there's something more sensitive.
Whether it was boys
As your insensitive
Or just love and passion
And powerful sentiment.
She's the one
The one with the future
But I'm not done;
I'm a picky chooser.
She'll get swept-up by some YouTuber
And slowly slowly slowly I'll loose her.
Sure, we only spent four days together
But it felt like more days, it felt like forever.
Come on, Baby. Let's set-sail
And I'll even let you ride my coat tails.
I don't like to be blue
But I like to be read
From a book of love of thoughts in your head.
God only knows what I've said
Come on, baby, just go ahead.
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3. |
Animal Scandals
04:37
|
|||
Animal Scandals
I'm going through a time-lapse
Eating breakfast after taps.
I've got my cereal backwards
Singing pop, crackle, snap.
I rock-it all day, not tired by taps.
I'm better than you; I know how to rap.
If you write it down on paper
I will call you later
But I've got to call my bro,
I gotta call-out Lazer.
Hey Pretty Baby,
Baby let me take your temperature.
Come on over to my home; I'll show you all of my furniture.
I'm dirty and I'm flirty and I'm a dancer.
You're prettier than a red-breasted merganser.
I want to take you out and I want to tuck you in
I'd like to make you shout and do-it again.
I want to get you high,
I want to read your mind,
I want to do-it right,
And I want it tonight.
I want to rewind,
Slip and slide.
I've never done nothing that I've never done twice.
I try to find what the meaning of life is
But I'll never know because I'm indecisive.
I was walking down the streets of slab city
Sweet sweet sweat dripping down off of me
I looked to my left and then I saw a genie
And this is what he said to me, he said:
"Steve, I'll grant you three wishes
Just as long as you please do my dishes".
I said, yo dude, I'll do them for free
Because that's how we do it down here in slab city.
He said:
"Steve, don't you like to give and receive?"
I said: yeah sure but what exactly do you mean?
He said: "Please, just let me do this for you, Steve."
I said: ok let me think mmmm what do I need?
I want a 750 souped-up solar panel,
A thrifty button-down flannel,
And about fifty fans that can handle
All of my Animal Scandals.
Genie: "But this is your only chance right now;
Don't you want a house?"
Steve: No.
Genie: "don't you want a spouse?"
Steve: No.
Genie: "how about a beauty in a blouse?"
Steve: ok, I'll take a cutie with a booty.
But I need some more beats
And I need some fruity loopis.
I need consent so that no one sues me
I need some more love, please just don't shoot me.
Genie: "Ok I get it; you're sarcastic
And so far you've been fantastic.
But you're starting to get a little off-topic
And I'm going to have to ask you to stop-it."
I said: whatever, dude. I'll have my own fun.
I have 99 problems but a wish ain't one.
I won't settle
But I will rebuttal;
You look like a blue tadpole in a kettle.
He said: "what do you got against genies??"
I said: I guess I just expected you to be dreamy.
He said: "ha ha ha ha that's so funny. "
I said: I'll take that wish now and all I want is money.
Genie: "but don't you have a damsel in distress?"
Steve: actually, actually yes.
Genie: "don't you want her? I bet you want her."
And I said:
I really do and I hope that she remembers.
|
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4. |
Golden Snitch
04:24
|
|||
Golden Snitch
I was walking down the street
It was just the other day
A hobo asked-me
"Hey, can you spare some change?"
I said: "I love you and your family too."
So I showed what's up
With a hundred bucks.
I'll tell you my passwords
I'll tell you my last words
I'll tell you my username
You losers are all the same
We're all to blame
I double dare you to hate who I am.
Risking driving blind
While twisting-up five dimes
D.U.I.s left and right
Wrong turn around
Woah slow down
Baby swerve
At the curve
Don't get hurt
When you twerk
I should of drove is the first
Place, baby give me space
Don't hesitate
For a signature
I want to be your designated counselor
If I'm getting off-task
Baby, just ask
I'm not a shower, I'm grower.
If I'm going too fast
Baby, just ask
I can go slower and I can go lower
I've all-kinds of wicked-sick limericks
Once it's twisted; it's all-right to trip
I'm slick and I'm quick
I'm "the shit"
I get the golden snitch in
|
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5. |
Let's Glide
03:02
|
|||
This is for Mick and Wic
And Sunny and Chloe
And Jeremy and Lilly
And everyone that knows me
In E.P. down on Main Street.
Churches and bars and pizza, all you can eat.
I'm Summer Camp Steve Boyle
I wear my heart on my sleeve and I keep it royal.
You can see me at the camp fire circle
You can call me maybe just don't call me Steve Erkel.
Just one more sip
Just one more hit
Just one more lick
On a Fun-Dip Stick.
Nickerson, Sick of sins,
Going back again
To Washington, and then
Back to California
Where I don't feel like a foreigner.
Back to Hollywood
Where I could,
Where I should
Have been back at
Years ago.
I like taking it fast
I like taking it slow.
I like making money
I like making movies
I like being funny
I like strawberry smoothies
I like dabbing dip n' dots before noon
Baby, I've had the hots for you since June.
Turn on your green light tonight
I just wanna Slide and Slide
Let's Glide
How can I hate you?
How can love you?
How can I date
And not but you?
I'll pay the tab
If you call the cab
Have I ever asked?
Have you ever dabbed?
Maybe it wouldn't be that bad
I want you back
And I want you to know that.
I got scat on raps on raps
On tracks on tracks
On stacks on stacks
I go to circle k
Pushing people out of the way
I say and I pray
"Bring back Go-Ape!"
When that doesn't work I give up
And then I twerk and turn down for what.
Then I'll start a trend and ride the waves until the end.
High tide
Low ride
I'll love to the moon and back again.
Hotel, Tiger Bomb, sail to Utah.
I'd go to jail just to visit your mom.
I don't want a chick
I want a lady.
I wanna dip
Like its the '80s
I wanna b*tch
That's oh so crazy
I wanna stick
No one that's lazy.
Maybe you're too young for me.
Maybe I'm too elderly.
Maybe this doesn't seem
like it's the right dream.
This is what my stance is for;
Get in line.
I want you and the dance floor
At the same time.
I've said this twice before
The sound is so nice it soars.
Lets slip and slide tonight
Lets glide, turn on your green light.
|
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6. |
Don't Go Crazy
05:33
|
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Don't Go Crazy
Oh no baby
Don't go crazy
(Just call me back when you relax and there'll be no need to save me)
You know who this is
I'm in Massachusetts
Non stop hot bods in cape cod
Try not
To drink the salt water
Yo bro, holler when you decide which one is hotter.
People try to say
That I'm an otter
But I'm not gay
I'm not straight
I'm my own bae
I don't choke
When I'm in the moment
Only when I joke
When I toke
When I dome-it
I own it
I loan it
I ask for it back
suddenly there's tax
Interest rates all day
Jump up jump down
Simon didn't say.
I'm a blonde beach bum that use to be a ginger
I got long sleeves on all the way to my fingers
Go to P-town, watch the queens walk around
Dinner for winners on Martha's Vineyard.
The skies are out
The thighs are out
They're lying on the ground
The sun is out
The guns are out
The cops are out
Get down!
Cruising around town on my golf cart
Losing my safe and sound soft heart.
You're not a baby
This isn't college
Just be a lady;
Use your knowledge.
This is Summer Camp
And I'll be dammed
If i am not who I say I am
I'm Summer Camp
Stephen Eli
A bird can fly
But a fly can't bird.
Have you thought about that, have you heard?
What's the good word?
Who sir, me sir?
Yes sir, you sir.
No sir, not I sir.
Whisky on the rocks
Shaken not stirred
Frisky on the block
Gonna get turnt.
I stole the cookies from the Cooke jar jar binks.
What do you think?
What should I drink?
Scotch on the rocks
With a twist and a hit
Gotta whole lot of lips to kiss.
I already said this
You know who this is.
SCS.
Now you're thinking
That I'm sinking
"This slim is Picken
All the wrong chickens."
You could be kicking it with your friends.
I'm about descend, we're close to the end.
Not yet.
Don't sweat.
Going to get you high
Going to get you dry
Going to get you wet.
Ready set go!
I'll meet you in Ohio
Or San Diego or even San Bernadino
Name the time and the place.
Bring the rhymes and the bass.
Cancer will kill me first,
The Answer is that negatively hurts.
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7. |
So Confused
04:20
|
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So Confused
You're my little one
You're my little girl
You're my Mars
You're my Mercury
You're my World.
Now I can see
Why in the 60s
They were loving these
West Coast girls in bikinis.
I was at the beach
At the waterfront
Look at me
And let our lips bump.
I wrote a letter of love
To Maria
and I'm breaking down
Because I wanna come and see ya.
All my friends are getting old
they're driving in a spiral
It's the circle
Of life cycle
Forget these gender roles.
I was homeschooled
No need for a cubicle
Who's this white dude with this Mike?
He's full of bull
skit productions limited corporation
I like to hike all way to Glacier Basin.
Ok I made you late
Because I made you wait
But it's still great
Every moment that I waste
It doesn't matter what I say
As long as I enunciate
And put the syllables in place.
I'm not that great
I tend to waste
Time
I came to drop a line
And then I'm going to hit it
I came to come get you
Baby, come and get it.
I've Got You So Confused
That You Don't Know
No
You Don't Know What To Do
I've Got You So Confused
That You Don't Know
What to do
Yeah sure I don't know
What you've been through
Because I had a nice life
And I'm glad I'm not you.
Why can't you see?
And just let it be?
Let's buy a boat
And visit every country
But I have to stay afloat
Or else I can't breathe
I just want peace
Between the people and the police.
I don't mean to gloat
But I've got it made
No phone, vacation paid
If I had a boat
I'd never stay
Because I need a moat
To keep my baes at bay.
Have you heard the latest?
Don't you know that I'm the greatest?
I'm on a hiatus.
They hate us because they ain't us.
You better take picture
Before I get blurrier
I'm skating past her
And I'm even faster backwards.
I've Got You So Confused
That You Don't Know
No
You Don't Know What To Do
|
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8. |
You Want Love
02:44
|
|||
You Want Love
What do you get when you get cross a black-cat's path?
This can't be it. I want to rock and then back track
And then to the future.
There's no one cuter
Than you when you're new
And even when you're old news
I'll remember what your name is
Once I'm famous
I'll fake my death; down in history shameless.
I'll show up on your doorstep
Dripping wet
With 20 years gone
and our whole lives left.
Do you remember what we said,
When the sun set?
Slip 'N slide all night
On our own sweat.
I'd gamble and I'd bet
That you couldn't double-dog me to get upset.
I know what you want
You want Love.
I'll be by your side
But I won't there on time.
I'll give you another try
But I won't be there tonight.
I'm running out of time
And I'm running out of drinks.
Tic Toc
Hip-hop
Scotch
Don't think.
Just at the blink
Of an eye you'll be dead last.
Delinquents die at the flash of a badge.
You need to face this
I need to say it
Drink more water, baby just taste it.
You laced it
I ate it
I'm not taking for shit.
Because I'm better than two
King of Jews
And the only shit I'm taking...
Is on you!
I know what you want
You want love.
|
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9. |
Balancing Counseling
04:36
|
|||
Balancing Counseling
I write to you now from cap cod.
I miss you and duke and even Todd.
There's more people here
There's more kids near
There's more time and space to disappear.
There's more money and more problems
More often than not
There's a lot of them.
We give the schools
What they need and want.
I kiss the feet of fools
As they yell at the little ones.
Kids come and go
Just like I came and went.
Will they ever know
Just how much love I've spent?
For all of you who are new
You're going to wish that you knew
What you're getting yourself into.
Please don't see this as a warning.
This is just me missing every single morning.
For all of you who are older than you the rest
For all of you who are bolder than the best...
Make mistakes, take-in the pure air,
Don't pull your hair, just be prepared.
I'm going in the purdy
Because I'm feeling purdy dirty.
You're looking fine and I'm feeling purdy flirty.
Summer Camp Steve, that's me.
When I'm playing badminton please don't hurt me with the birdie.
I bet you wish that it didn't really matter
All along you never even had her
She's your everything
Keeps you wondering.
It's nice in Massachusetts
But HVC is where the truth is.
|
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10. |
What's Right?
04:14
|
|||
This is for anyone
who is lost at sea
This is for anyone
who is feeling lonely
This is for anyone
who loves comedy
This is for you and me.
I'm thinking about taking
the 2 down to Brooklyn
I'm thinking about you
and how you're looking.
I'm thinking about your son
I'm thinking about your daughter
And how you're "the one"
And making you an offer
that you can't refuse
you can't lose
I won't abuse
I don't care if you're loose
I want you.
And your kids two.
At least they're past their terrible twos.
I love kids,
I grew up making skits.
I love this
3C reference.
Who's on first.
The Zou's on Third
Class dismissed.
Take your last hit.
What's wrong?
What's right?
What's black?
What's white?
Are you with me
Or against me in this chicken right?
I need you in my life
And I need you tonight.
I just want what's right.
Are you aware of the power that you have?
Why are all these people staring down the wrong paths?
At least go half
look at you at least you have two dads!
And I've got none
he was murdered by the sun.
I saw him do it
He did it with a ray gun.
I've got one thing to get off my back,
It's a mole and I'm dead as a rat.
Or a cat, Chloe's Epitaph is Chloe.
Me and my bros will make laugh.
Baby, here's the chorus at last.
I need you in my life
I just want what's right.
|
||||
11. |
||||
Balancing Counseling
I write to you now from cap cod.
I miss you and duke and even Todd.
There's more people here
There's more kids near
There's more time and space to disappear.
There's more money and more problems
More often than not
There's a lot of them.
We give the schools
What they need and want.
I kiss the feet of fools
As they yell at the little ones.
Kids come and go
Just like I came and went.
Will they ever know
Just how much love I've spent?
For all of you who are new
You're going to wish that you knew
What you're getting yourself into.
Please don't see this as a warning.
This is just me missing every single morning.
For all of you who are older than you the rest
For all of you who are bolder than the best...
Make mistakes, take-in the pure air,
Don't pull your hair, just be prepared.
I'm going in the purdy
Because I'm feeling purdy dirty.
You're looking fine and I'm feeling purdy flirty.
Summer Camp Steve, that's me.
When I'm playing badminton please don't hurt me with the birdie.
I bet you wish that it didn't really matter
All along you never even had her
She's your everything
Keeps you wondering.
It's nice in Massachusetts
But HVC is where the truth is.
|
||||
12. |
You Want Love (Reprise)
03:08
|
|||
You Want Love
What do you get when you get cross a black-cat's path?
This can't be it. I want to rock and then back track
And then to the future.
There's no one cuter
Than you when you're new
And even when you're old news
I'll remember what your name is
Once I'm famous
I'll fake my death; down in history shameless.
I'll show up on your doorstep
Dripping wet
With 20 years gone
and our whole lives left.
Do you remember what we said,
When the sun set?
Slip 'N slide all night
On our own sweat.
I'd gamble and I'd bet
That you couldn't double-dog me to get upset.
I know what you want
You want Love.
I'll be by your side
But I won't there on time.
I'll give you another try
But I won't be there tonight.
I'm running out of time
And I'm running out of drinks.
Tic Toc
Hip-hop
Scotch
Don't think.
Just at the blink
Of an eye you'll be dead last.
Delinquents die at the flash of a badge.
You need to face this
I need to say it
Drink more water, baby just taste it.
You laced it
I ate it
I'm not taking for shit.
Because I'm better than two
King of Jews
And the only shit I'm taking...
Is on you!
I know what you want
You want love.
|
||||
13. |
So Confused (Reprise)
04:22
|
|||
So Confused
You're my little one
You're my little girl
You're my Mars
You're my Mercury
You're my World.
Now I can see
Why in the 60s
They were loving these
West Coast girls in bikinis.
I was at the beach
At the waterfront
Look at me
And let our lips bump.
I wrote a letter of love
To Maria
and I'm breaking down
Because I wanna come and see ya.
All my friends are getting old
they're driving in a spiral
It's the circle
Of life cycle
Forget these gender roles.
I was homeschooled
No need for a cubicle
Who's this white dude with this Mike?
He's full of bull
skit productions limited corporation
I like to hike all way to Glacier Basin.
Ok I made you late
Because I made you wait
But it's still great
Every moment that I waste
It doesn't matter what I say
As long as I enunciate
And put the syllables in place.
I'm not that great
I tend to waste
Time
I came to drop a line
And then I'm going to hit it
I came to come get you
Baby, come and get it.
I've Got You So Confused
That You Don't Know
No
You Don't Know What To Do
I've Got You So Confused
That You Don't Know
What to do
Yeah sure I don't know
What you've been through
Because I had a nice life
And I'm glad I'm not you.
Why can't you see?
And just let it be?
Let's buy a boat
And visit every country
But I have to stay afloat
Or else I can't breathe
I just want peace
Between the people and the police.
I don't mean to gloat
But I've got it made
No phone, vacation paid
If I had a boat
I'd never stay
Because I need a moat
To keep my baes at bay.
Have you heard the latest?
Don't you know that I'm the greatest?
I'm on a hiatus.
They hate us because they ain't us.
You better take picture
Before I get blurrier
I'm skating past her
And I'm even faster backwards.
I've Got You So Confused
That You Don't Know
No
You Don't Know What To Do
|
||||
14. |
Don't Go Crazy (Reprise)
04:57
|
|||
Don't Go Crazy
Oh no baby
Don't go crazy
(Just call me back when you relax and there'll be no need to save me)
You know who this is
I'm in Massachusetts
Non stop hot bods in cape cod
Try not
To drink the salt water
Yo bro, holler when you decide which one is hotter.
People try to say
That I'm an otter
But I'm not gay
I'm not straight
I'm my own bae
I don't choke
When I'm in the moment
Only when I joke
When I toke
When I dome-it
I own it
I loan it
I ask for it back
suddenly there's tax
Interest rates all day
Jump up jump down
Simon didn't say.
I'm a blonde beach bum that use to be a ginger
I got long sleeves on all the way to my fingers
Go to P-town, watch the queens walk around
Dinner for winners on Martha's Vineyard.
The skies are out
The thighs are out
They're lying on the ground
The sun is out
The guns are out
The cops are out
Get down!
Cruising around town on my golf cart
Losing my safe and sound soft heart.
You're not a baby
This isn't college
Just be a lady;
Use your knowledge.
This is Summer Camp
And I'll be dammed
If i am not who I say I am
I'm Summer Camp
Stephen Eli
A bird can fly
But a fly can't bird.
Have you thought about that, have you heard?
What's the good word?
Who sir, me sir?
Yes sir, you sir.
No sir, not I sir.
Whisky on the rocks
Shaken not stirred
Frisky on the block
Gonna get turnt.
I stole the cookies from the Cooke jar jar binks.
What do you think?
What should I drink?
Scotch on the rocks
With a twist and a hit
Gotta whole lot of lips to kiss.
I already said this
You know who this is.
SCS.
Now you're thinking
That I'm sinking
"This slim is Picken
All the wrong chickens."
You could be kicking it with your friends.
I'm about descend, we're close to the end.
Not yet.
Don't sweat.
Going to get you high
Going to get you dry
Going to get you wet.
Ready set go!
I'll meet you in Ohio
Or San Diego or even San Bernadino
Name the time and the place.
Bring the rhymes and the bass.
Cancer will kill me first,
The Answer is that negatively hurts.
|
||||
15. |
Let's Glide (Reprise)
05:30
|
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This is for Mick and Wic
And Sunny and Chloe
And Jeremy and Lilly
And everyone that knows me
In E.P. down on Main Street.
Churches and bars and pizza, all you can eat.
I'm Summer Camp Steve Boyle
I wear my heart on my sleeve and I keep it royal.
You can see me at the camp fire circle
You can call me maybe just don't call me Steve Erkel.
Just one more sip
Just one more hit
Just one more lick
On a Fun-Dip Stick.
Nickerson, Sick of sins,
Going back again
To Washington, and then
Back to California
Where I don't feel like a foreigner.
Back to Hollywood
Where I could,
Where I should
Have been back at
Years ago.
I like taking it fast
I like taking it slow.
I like making money
I like making movies
I like being funny
I like strawberry smoothies
I like dabbing dip n' dots before noon
Baby, I've had the hots for you since June.
Turn on your green light tonight
I just wanna Slide and Slide
Let's Glide
How can I hate you?
How can love you?
How can I date
And not but you?
I'll pay the tab
If you call the cab
Have I ever asked?
Have you ever dabbed?
Maybe it wouldn't be that bad
I want you back
And I want you to know that.
I got scat on raps on raps
On tracks on tracks
On stacks on stacks
I go to circle k
Pushing people out of the way
I say and I pray
"Bring back Go-Ape!"
When that doesn't work I give up
And then I twerk and turn down for what.
Then I'll start a trend and ride the waves until the end.
High tide
Low ride
I'll love to the moon and back again.
Hotel, Tiger Bomb, sail to Utah.
I'd go to jail just to visit your mom.
I don't want a chick
I want a lady.
I wanna dip
Like its the '80s
I wanna b*tch
That's oh so crazy
I wanna stick
No one that's lazy.
Maybe you're too young for me.
Maybe I'm too elderly.
Maybe this doesn't seem
like it's the right dream.
This is what my stance is for;
Get in line.
I want you and the dance floor
At the same time.
I've said this twice before
The sound is so nice it soars.
Lets slip and slide tonight
Lets glide, turn on your green light.
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16. |
Golden Snitch (Reprise)
03:03
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Golden Snitch
I was walking down the street
It was just the other day
A hobo asked-me
"Hey, can you spare some change?"
I said: "I love you and your family too."
So I showed what's up
With a hundred bucks.
I'll tell you my passwords
I'll tell you my last words
I'll tell you my username
You losers are all the same
We're all to blame
I double dare you to hate who I am.
Risking driving blind
While twisting-up five dimes
D.U.I.s left and right
Wrong turn around
Woah slow down
Baby swerve
At the curve
Don't get hurt
When you twerk
I should of drove is the first
Place, baby give me space
Don't hesitate
For a signature
I want to be your designated counselor
If I'm getting off-task
Baby, just ask
I'm not a shower, I'm grower.
If I'm going too fast
Baby, just ask
I can go slower and I can go lower
I've all-kinds of wicked-sick limericks
Once it's twisted; it's all-right to trip
I'm slick and I'm quick
I'm "the shit"
I get the golden snitch in
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17. |
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Animal Scandals
I'm going through a time-lapse
Eating breakfast after taps.
I've got my cereal backwards
Singing pop, crackle, snap.
I rock-it all day, not tired by taps.
I'm better than you; I know how to rap.
If you write it down on paper
I will call you later
But I've got to call my bro,
I gotta call-out Lazer.
Hey Pretty Baby,
Baby let me take your temperature.
Come on over to my home; I'll show you all of my furniture.
I'm dirty and I'm flirty and I'm a dancer.
You're prettier than a red-breasted merganser.
I want to take you out and I want to tuck you in
I'd like to make you shout and do-it again.
I want to get you high,
I want to read your mind,
I want to do-it right,
And I want it tonight.
I want to rewind,
Slip and slide.
I've never done nothing that I've never done twice.
I try to find what the meaning of life is
But I'll never know because I'm indecisive.
I was walking down the streets of slab city
Sweet sweet sweat dripping down off of me
I looked to my left and then I saw a genie
And this is what he said to me, he said:
"Steve, I'll grant you three wishes
Just as long as you please do my dishes".
I said, yo dude, I'll do them for free
Because that's how we do it down here in slab city.
He said:
"Steve, don't you like to give and receive?"
I said: yeah sure but what exactly do you mean?
He said: "Please, just let me do this for you, Steve."
I said: ok let me think mmmm what do I need?
I want a 750 souped-up solar panel,
A thrifty button-down flannel,
And about fifty fans that can handle
All of my Animal Scandals.
Genie: "But this is your only chance right now;
Don't you want a house?"
Steve: No.
Genie: "don't you want a spouse?"
Steve: No.
Genie: "how about a beauty in a blouse?"
Steve: ok, I'll take a cutie with a booty.
But I need some more beats
And I need some fruity loopis.
I need consent so that no one sues me
I need some more love, please just don't shoot me.
Genie: "Ok I get it; you're sarcastic
And so far you've been fantastic.
But you're starting to get a little off-topic
And I'm going to have to ask you to stop-it."
I said: whatever, dude. I'll have my own fun.
I have 99 problems but a wish ain't one.
I won't settle
But I will rebuttal;
You look like a blue tadpole in a kettle.
He said: "what do you got against genies??"
I said: I guess I just expected you to be dreamy.
He said: "ha ha ha ha that's so funny. "
I said: I'll take that wish now and all I want is money.
Genie: "but don't you have a damsel in distress?"
Steve: actually, actually yes.
Genie: "don't you want her? I bet you want her."
And I said:
I really do and I hope that she remembers.
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18. |
Send To Ohio (Reprise)
05:23
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Send To Ohio
I was walking down the street
Just looking to holds hands.
It was 1993
At the homecoming dance.
Apparently
I needed my parent
To help me.
It wasn't apparent
To either she or me.
So I ran to my house as fast as I could.
Too dark to see,
Feet in the creek,
And through the woods.
I got home to find my mom had left for the store,
So I forged the form
In hopes to fool
The school board.
Someone had lied
They said I was inside.
I wasn't really and I swear it wasn't me.
"I'm sorry sir,
You can not enter
Without her!"
I guess I needed more
Than just that one paper.
So I waited for the dance to be over
For the lucky chance that I'd get to see her.
So I built-up the courage
And I said to her
"It now is our turn."
So we got in my car
And we drove-away,
I parked and got-out
And I started to say
"Since you did get to dance with me;
May I have this dance with you in the streets?"
When you've nowhere to go
Then send to ohio
Youngstown, I pledge.
I'm a lie and a riddle,
I'm round on the edges
and high in the middle
Of nowhere ohio
I'm going solo
Maybe because you don't know
If I'm joking
Or if I'm even done yet.
Don't get choked-up
Just 'cause you're soak and wet.
Isn't it crazy
To think back to a year ago?
When I first said "hey, I'm Steve."
And you just said "no".
I get-it; you were nervous
Because you just played
But you had me by the first verse
When you were on-stage.
Your voice
is like an instrument
But it's not your choice
Because there's something more sensitive.
Whether it was boys
As your insensitive
Or just love and passion
And powerful sentiment.
She's the one
The one with the future
But I'm not done;
I'm a picky chooser.
She'll get swept-up by some YouTuber
And slowly slowly slowly I'll loose her.
Sure, we only spent four days together
But it felt like more days, it felt like forever.
Come on, Baby. Let's set-sail
And I'll even let you ride my coat tails.
I don't like to be blue
But I like to be read
From a book of love of thoughts in your head.
God only knows what I've said
Come on, baby, just go ahead.
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19. |
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The Best Bad Luck
I'd rather pushcarts in the hot sun
And get paid
Than watch you get drunk
And stumble all over the place.
Of course I'm ashamed.
How could I not-be?
That stuff is so lame,
Why can't you see?
I wish I never came.
It hurts you don't know who I am,
And that's a first since camp.
Baby, look into my eyes
Before I realize
That you're not the one for me
And I can't quite see
Across the country
And I'll trust you if you trust me.
I can't seem to let you go
I probably don't want to know
What you're doing right now
Especially if you're downtown.
I'll wine and dine you and make you mine,
Then I'll toss you to the end of the line,
Then I'll write about it and then I'll rhythm,
Then I'll come crawling back one last time.
You're the best bad luck that I ever had.
You're so bad.
It was way back when
When we thought the world would end,
Although we all know; it's about to explode.
I was headed for the border
No money no passport.
Black Impala
Headed for Guatemala.
Stuck-in Tucson just waiting for a ride,
Baking in the sun as the all drive-by.
Stuck in Arizona, going back to California,
Going to slab city to my little huckleberry.
I traveled from Seattle
All the way to the big apple.
Washington state, cascades,
And then the Catskills.
I'd say "I've won the battle."
Button up your flannel,
Tighten-up your saddle,
'Cause I'm headed for the Eiffel.
I'm doing my rounds again,
Living in the mountains,
High elevation
And I also like islands.
Please & thank you
And I'm sorry for my babbling.
And I feel better than I've ever been.
Because I had all of my ducks in a row from front-to-back
But I made the mistake of counting them before they hatched.
I want to sing and I want to rap.
The missing link is the monkey on my back.
I know what you want, they all want love.
I'll get you what you want if you don't get me out in bump.
Mix-up meal, what table you be chilling at?
You're the best bad luck that I've ever had
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Summer Camp Steve Youngstown, Ohio
Photographer, Environmental Educator, Comedian & Musician,
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